and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
