Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
