Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
