tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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