Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
