NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
