my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Vodka?
Forever.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
