I wannas sexs uuuuu
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
