i just made my gag reflex go away.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
