worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize