This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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