he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
