worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
