I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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