The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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