i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
