I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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