I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
