I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
