my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
My liver just had a heart attack.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
