somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
