Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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