My nipple is on Facebook.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
