$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
