I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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