if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
