You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
