Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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