Only a mothe r could love this liver
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
