I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
