i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
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