My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
