In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
