I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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