Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
