Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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