Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Please don't give away my fajitas
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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