she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
