I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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