we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
