I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
