I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
