Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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