You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
