omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
