If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
