He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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