that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
