my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid