Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms