if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.