Texts From Last Night

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  (956): View more from Texas

  I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward

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  (956): I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward http://tfl.nu/ltxx
  Replies (187) Good night (5547) Bad night (1357)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously

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  (440): he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously http://tfl.nu/mrdz
  Replies (13) Good night (4412) Bad night (757)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2

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  (703): he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2 http://tfl.nu/k675
  Replies (47) Good night (4139) Bad night (9519)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.

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  (303): dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0. http://tfl.nu/gdax
  Replies (35) Good night (6223) Bad night (1007)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.

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  (404): Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic. http://tfl.nu/dv7k
  Replies (27) Good night (3467) Bad night (5272)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.

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  (919): I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep. http://tfl.nu/o9nw
  Replies (12) Good night (2475) Bad night (1440)
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  (631): View more from New York

  Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.

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  (631): Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl. http://tfl.nu/065k
  Replies (13) Good night (1605) Bad night (2838)
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  (315): View more from New York

  Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really

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  (315): Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really http://tfl.nu/gifi
  Replies (4) Good night (1775) Bad night (669)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?

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  (920): Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night? http://tfl.nu/ykmq
  Replies (4) Good night (682) Bad night (753)
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  (952): View more from Minnesota

  You went home with a man in a loincloth

  (914): View more from New York

  I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???

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  (952): You went home with a man in a loincloth (914): I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween??? http://tfl.nu/0bv2
  Replies (2) Good night (1338) Bad night (420)
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  (213): View more from California

  Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  ... and if i was..

  (213): View more from California

  Fuck. You.

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  (213): Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten. (201): ... and if i was.. (213): Fuck. You. http://tfl.nu/ty6i
  Replies (5) Good night (1797) Bad night (528)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.

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  (704): I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes. http://tfl.nu/6fin
  Replies (5) Good night (899) Bad night (615)
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  (916): View more from California

  When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!

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  (916): When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!! http://tfl.nu/tjy9
  Replies (3) Good night (460) Bad night (314)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.

  (815): View more from Illinois

  Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.

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  (815): So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit. (815): Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message. http://tfl.nu/tst8
  Replies (0) Good night (666) Bad night (298)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.

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  (214): NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS (630): Fine. Suck all the fun out of life. http://tfl.nu/x7gr
  Replies (4) Good night (659) Bad night (296)

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