every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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