singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
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Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
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I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.