Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Randomize
