I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
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