It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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