He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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