I hate your face
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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