I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Just invented taco cereal.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
