a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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