I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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