Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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