...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.