I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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