Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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