but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
