You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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