i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
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I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
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At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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